I can't say that I have been too interested in doing my blog for a long while. Figured I better catch up a little today. So here goes; Christmas 2012 found me in the hospital in a coma on life support fighting pneumonia, I also had sepsis which is infection throughout the body and my kidneys and liver during the night shut completely down so the hospital had called for Life Flight to fly me to a hospital in Boise so I could be put on dialysis the helicopter landed just as a blood test came back that my kidneys and liver had started functioning again so I never got that Life Flight which is good. Doctor said he was extremely worried still though because my blood pressure was so very low and he could not get it to stabilize. This is me... I take three blood pressure meds to keep my blood pressure in a high normal range. Crazy! So after missing out on Christmas with my guys and being so terribly ill I woke up and they had to restrain me because I kept reaching toward my face and they didn't want me to pull the hoses but if I could have communicated to them what I needed I would have told them that I was only reaching up to move my lip off my teeth because they had pinned it to my teeth under their tape and it HURT and was so chapped that I needed something for my chapped lip. Man I was MAD at everyone because they wouldn't bring me paper and pen so I could tell them what I needed. Noone seemed to understand until FINALLY my dear friend Anita showed up to visit me and she got me a pen and paper and I told her what I needed so off she ran to the pharmacy to get me my most loved brand of lip soother, Mineral Ice. I remember her putting it on my lips and how delicious that felt to FINALLY have the calming soothing feel of it where before all I had was pain. Anita you were truly an angel to me that day!!!! So fast forward to spring and I just had no energy to do anything still. I was still thinking I was fighting that same infection because my white cell count was still in the 18,000s and normal is around 8,000 says my doctor. So months of antibiotics ensued. When it still was a problem after August came and went my doc sent a blood sample to a hematologist. Said Hematologist (study of blood doctor) had an appointment made for me for the results. It had not been an infection I was fighting once the sepsis was taken care of apparently it had been that I was now fighting CLL otherwise known as Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. Yup Cancer! As time has gone by and with talking to the doctors and learning far more about this particular cancer I realize that it really should not be considered a true cancer but should be considered a blood disorder. Some sort of protein in my bone marrow is making my white cells form in weird shapes and way too many of them to compensate for them not doing the normal job of a normal white cell. My count is down to in the 12,000s now but still is high. This cancer has no treatment at this time and as such there is no cure for it but it isn't a killer as such either. I will live with it I will not die FROM it! So I guess as cancers go this is one of the best to have in that I won't die from it nor will I have to go through a treatment that nearly kills me. I would have preferred getting a cancer that was treatable and curable but I have come to terms with this. My plants are all tucked in under the leaves and snow and awaiting spring. This spring they will all be dug and put into pots to either sell or be babysat by my friend Anita until our move to the Portland area is done later this year. Our son wishes to move there or we would be wanting to move to the Oregon coast itself so figured we would help him out by buying a place that is big enough that he can have an apartment on our property. After all he will inherit the property so why not have him help us make the payments on it so when he inherits it he won't have to pay inheritance taxes on it. That's my story and I am sticking to it. ;op This winter I am trying to pack as much as I can in the house for our move. Trying is the operative word here because I have been pretty lazy about it until this past week when I have hit it pretty well and have gotten through all our Christmas stuff so it is ready to roll, about half of my knick knacks are packed now and all of the aquarium stuff that I am not presently using is ready to move too. I hope to get my china cabinet packed up this week because I have traded it to a friend for packing help later this spring/summer. I might as well get things done so I can paint and patch walls and get that done before the heat of the summer slows me down with that activity. I lost 100 pounds this past year and hope to lose more this year. I don't think I can do another 100 as quickly this time since much of that was water weight from my illness but I know I can get down a few sizes in clothes if I really sink my mind on it and don't tell my husband what I am up to because whether he realizes it or not he sabotages my weight loss. I know he wants me to be healthy but he has a way of saying things to me that I take as mean spirited so I just have finally learned not to say anything to him that would undermine my own journey. He has never had a weight issue and can stop eating something very easily--I can't I have to really wrap my head around it and dual with it.

Disappointment day turned out great after all.

Yesterday I decided to not go on the poker ride with my horse Cadi. I have never ridden her since I bought her last spring but my neighbor and friend Liz and my other friend Anita have both ridden her and she seems to not be very motivated to do anything bad but since it was to be my first ride on her at the poker ride and she was in full standing heat yesterday I decided it was not a good time for my very first ride on a horse in over 10 years. I really want her head on me and what I want from her and not on her finding a stallion to visit. I really didn't want to start my relationship on her back by getting into a fight with her today so instead I will ride her later in the week and start on a better note. I am really disappointed that I missed the once a year poker ride but I think it was a smart thing to do.

You might wonder why I haven't ridden in so long since I adore horses so much. Well I have had a bilateral knee replacement surgery plus another surgery where my left hip was replaced plus two surgeries to repair my wrist and with all that plus the other health issues that I fight I have not been up to riding till now. At least now I have my saddle fitted to Cadi and a bridle fitted to her head too so am ready as I will ever be to take the plunge and try riding again.

It was really funny to watch our 27 inch tall miniature horse stallion, Kid, try to mount Cadi through the fence. We had to put him into another pen to get him away from her since I was worried that he would hurt himself mounting the fence. Cadi is 14.2 hands high but she was standing there waiting for that tiny stallion to breed her. Too cute!!!!!! She was good as gold when I was trying the saddle on her and brushing her to get her ready for the poker ride but then she was screaming and screaming for Kid when we walked her down the driveway with the saddle. Of course he was yelling back at her which didn't help her mood but all in all she was pretty good.

I got in lots of fun time in the garden planting echineacea starts that I got from a Yahoo co-op group that I belong to. I also planted some heucheras from the same co-op and a few hostas that got included in the box. I love planting my garden for a while and then it becomes real work. Today was not a real work day though since it had been a long time since I had really felt up to gardening so it was fun fun fun to create the beauty that we will enjoy all summer this year. Hopefully DH will get the waterfall running on Monday or Tuesday since he has this week off of work. Soon I will post some pictures of our yard and house. We got new siding and roofing put on the house and are really loving the looks of our brand new home that was built in 1958. lol That siding and roofing really made a huge difference in the look of the house plus I managed to get a porch put over the front door so it made the whole house change in looks. Will be wonderful to not get soaked when looking for the key to the front door.

I called my Aunt Ginny tonight to chat with her for a bit. She is doing great even though she isn't doing as much as she used to do but ya have to give her a break since she is now 93 years young. I adore that woman and would love to go visit her but she doesn't feel she would be good company these days since she sleeps a lot. She lives over 3000 miles away in Salem MA so it isn't like I can just drive over to see her. She has always been so very special to me and told me once again how much she loves me. That is the sweetest words to ever hear from a loved one isn't it? So it was a great end to a not perfect day.

Spring has sprung!!!!!!!!! YIPPEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Wandering around the farm today I noticed that I have crocus blooming, daffodils are up and I can see their buds just breaking the ground, the grass is green and growing tall enough that we will have to mow it in a week or so and the clematis are getting green growth starting at their growth buds. The chickens are laying more eggs than even a week ago so now my egg cartons are filling one shelf in the fridge. I have to get to Boise to drop off eggs at our son's house since he loves the farm eggs so much and he can share them with friends. The weeds in the flower beds and veggie garden are big enough that I spent the afternoon hoeing them and what a lovely afternoon it was too. The temp got to 62 degrees and there was no wind which is rare here in the spring. Usually when it is warm we have wind.

I have got to get some RoundUp bought to kill the weeds and grass in areas we do not want it growing this year. The grass is just nasty weed grass that is called Cheatgrass here in the west. It will puncture through a cows cheek and causes bad abcesses and when it gets into my socks I am not a happy camper because the stuff is SHARP and it will in-bed into you if you try to ignore it. I wish I could wipe out all the cheat grass on our property this year but know that it will take a few to get rid of it even though it is an annual grass. The darned stuff will grow and look for all the world like Kentucky Blue Grass until it sets its heads and by then the seeds seem to be viable. Nasty stuff!

March 8, I had a bad wreck with our Shetland pony while the farrier was working on her feet. He had finished her front feet and moved to the rear and she reared up jerking me off the stock trough that I was sitting on and as I tried in vain to set my feet so she couldn't jerk me anymore I knew that she had the best of me and I was destined to go down. In slow motion I tried to reach out far enough to avoid hitting my left wrist on the concrete since I have had two surgeries on it already and certainly don't want more surgery. That worked but I landed full force on my left breast and man oh man does it ever hurt to do that!!!!!! Talk about a funny place to be black and blue! I have a nice egg shaped place on my right forehead too with a black and blue mark there along with some black and blue hoof shaped marks on my back from where she jumped back over me when the farrier kept hanging on to her foot. The farrier helped me up after he had tied her to the horse trailer and then he went back over to her and worked with her until she stood still for him to pick up those hind feet and let him trim them. It has now been two weeks since the accident and I am finally feeling like I am healing. The bigger we are the harder we fall sure is true!

Christmas time or looking back at life.

Christmas was this past week. Where did this year go? I feel like it just started and it is over, strange how that happens isn't it? Ya blink and your kid is grown up into a young man or woman, you blink and your dog is old, you blink and your husband has gray hair on his head if he has hair at all. I get to thinking of the song from Fiddler on the Roof where he is singing When did he get to be so tall, I don't remember growing older when did they? Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset swiftly fly the years. One season following another laden with happiness and tears.

One of the nicest things that happened to me this year is that I am now in contact with the brother of my childhood best friend. Dar was killed by a drunk driver just shy of her 32nd birthday and just after my 32nd birthday. Her dear sainted mother was killed in the same accident. Since I haven't been to Montana (home) in many years I had lost contact with her family and it is great to at last be in touch with someone from her family again. Her brother was a huge crush of mine when I was quite young. We were several years younger so he never had eyes for me but I sure pined over him. LOL He is happily married now as am I but thinking back I giggle about it now.

My 40 year class reunion will be this next summer. I am trying to get more fit before I decide for sure if I am going or not so we joined a health club this week. I walked for four minutes on the treadmill which was a miracle in itself as a year ago I could not walk more than about 30 feet without extreme pain from my low back. Found a wonderful pain managment team in Boise that has given me injections along my spine that has helped a tremendous amount with that pain and so now I can at least move again. YAY

Friends, new friends and old are a part of life and living and it is wonderful to get back in touch with ones left behind in a rush of life and living. Life is good.

Amy

Our miniature mare Amy picked a day to die and we found her dead out in the field with no outward way to know what happened. She was only six years old and only 26 inches tall at the shoulder and without you seeing her size you would have thought a photo of her was a full size horse. She was so lovely and white too as a cremello color.

We loved this little darling and she loved us. I have been sad ever since we found her and can't seem to wrap my brain around the fact that she will not be banging on my dryer vent anymore to tell me to come out and give her some horse treats. She won't be opening gates anymore so there is no need to double lock our gates anymore. Thankfully we still have our other two minis and I have my Haflinger mare too to love so life does go on. Our bright little Amy will not be forgotten though.

Well I sold Mom's car today. I have had it as my main transportation since 04 when Mom passed away. We finally bought an 06 Nissan Frontier with only 8,000 miles on it and it is my dream vehicle so Mom's car has to go since I have no use for it. It (Mom's car) is a 95 Ford Contour maroon color with automatic tranny, air and no other bells or whistles. I have always hated how low it sits since I had double knee replacement surgery and hip replacement too so it is hard for me to stand up from that car and even to sit down in it. I just drop into the seat and pray I don't fall through the floor onto the ground and end up all folded up on the ground under the car. That would not be this Mom's best day that's for sure!!!!!!!!!

The gal that bought the car paid half down on it and will pay it off by working in my yard and house for me. I will not let her take the car till she gets it paid off. With only 60,000 miles on it that car has a lot to give her.

I started weeding around the koi pond and got a portion of that done but pooped out before I got the part done that I gave myself as my chore for the day. Guess I thought I could bite off more than I could chew which tends to be the norm for me since all the surgeries lowered my speed from{ full steam ahead into ---pour the coals into this old gal, she is about half dead but she is trying to start}.

Hubby called and will be home tomorrow night. I guess I have to clean the living room tonight from my craft project I was working on in there. He isn't appreciative of when I have stuff on (his) chair and right now it is not only on that chair but on the floor, the couch, a card table and the coffee table.

Life is good!

Muddled Meanderings

Today I started a blog. I don't know for sure where I will go with this but I can be sure to put plenty of my pictures of flowers and hostas. I am a hostaholic along with an itch that I call Ponditis. I always itch to have more and more ponds, so far we have two including a half acre natural pond that measures about 70 feet wide by 275 feet long and it is in our front yard.

My hubby of 35 years and I enjoy working on our yard together and sometimes we even get a project done!!!!!! Most of our projects remain unfinished till we have the money or the equipment or the energy to continue on to the finish line with them. Our health issues too have dug into a lot of not finishing things but we persevere and eventually finish them. We tend to be calm and collected about everything in our lives which is a good thing, we think. I wouldn't want to be a type A person and try to be me.

We have horses, mini horses, sheep, a steer for our freezer, 3 GIANT dogs, 2 little dogs, 19 year old cat, koi fish, goldfish, tons and tons of blue gill, some catfish, unknown other fish, muscovy ducks, and hopefully soon Sebastopol geese. We are pet, pond and hosta poor much of the time. We truly enjoy life to the fullest and plan on some traveling when hubby retires next year.

Life is good.